Well here I am almost at the end of my second boot-camp class. This session I missed a whole week! Partly because I was sick and partly because I forgot to set my alarm for one of the classes.
I have not been watching what am eating and have not really done my 2 shakes a day... ! This always seems to happen. I do so well then I just stop. I get lazy and I just "don't wanna" be good *insert 2yr old foot stomping*.
Then I get on the scale and of course I gained! not a LOT but still the scale is moving in the direction I don't want. When I see the scale moving to the wrong side I get upset and then I just want to say F-IT and eat whatever and drink whatever because I am already gaining so why not just eat away. I know that is not the proper way of looking at things but this is what goes on in my head. It is a constant battle I get super tired of fighting the battle. I want to just get it through my head that I need to stick with it and get to my goal weight already. I see other people being able to really stick with it and then there's me...
It doesn't help that my husband can just stop drinking beer and lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I can stop drinking and eating bread, potatoes, sugar, etc and work out 5 days a week and lose 15 pounds in 6 weeks.
I keep thinking of having weight-loss surgery but I see some of my friends how they have struggled and some of them can't eat certain things again ( i am not talking about soda or candy). It would crush me if I could never have red or green chile again (my NM peeps you understand). I know that surgery doesn't change your internal struggles. I know that the surgery is not the "easy"way to do it but I do think about it.
So it's a new month and I am refocusing my thoughts on my healthy eating and working out. I want to lose about 10 pounds by Alexa's birthday in June. No, 10 pounds will not get me to my true goal weight but I will get me closer. If I can't seem to do this for ME maybe I can do it for this little girl.