So easy to stop and so hard to keep going

Well here I am almost at the end of my second boot-camp class. This session I missed a whole week! Partly because I was sick and partly because I forgot to set my alarm for one of the classes. 
I have not been watching what  am eating and have not really done my 2 shakes a day... ! This always seems to happen. I do so well then I just stop. I get lazy and I just "don't wanna" be good *insert 2yr old foot stomping*. 
Then I get on the scale and of course I gained! not a LOT but still the scale is moving in the direction I don't want.  When I see the scale moving to the wrong side I get upset and then I just want to say F-IT and eat whatever and drink whatever because I am already gaining so why not just eat away. I know that is not the proper way of looking at things but this is what goes on in my head. It is a constant battle I get super tired of fighting the battle. I want to just get it through my head that I need to stick with it and get to my goal weight already. I see other people being able to really stick with it and then there's me... 
It doesn't help that my husband can just stop drinking beer and lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks.  I can stop drinking and eating bread, potatoes, sugar, etc and work out 5 days a week and lose 15 pounds in 6 weeks.
I keep thinking of having weight-loss surgery but I see some of my friends how they have struggled and some of them can't eat certain things again ( i am not talking about soda or candy). It would crush me if I could never have red or green chile again (my NM peeps you understand). I know that surgery doesn't change your internal struggles. I know that the surgery is not the "easy"way to do it but I do think about it. 
So it's a new month and I am refocusing my thoughts on my healthy eating and working out. I want to lose about 10 pounds by Alexa's birthday in June. No, 10 pounds will not get me to my true goal weight but I will get me closer. If I can't seem to do this for ME maybe I can do it for this little girl.

 

End of my first 6 week class

This coming Saturday will make the end of my first 6 week boot-camp class. It has had its ups and downs. It has had me leaving saying WTH! It has left me sore and tired. There are times I don't know how I got through the entire class.
It has also left me 15 pounds lighter. Partly because of the exercise and partly because of my diet. Now I didn't follow the recommend diet 100% because well I just can't. Having to cook for a family makes it hard to follow such a restrictive diet. I am sure there were plenty of ladies in the classes that followed it but I was not one of them. I did cut out A LOT of the junk food and eating out. I cut out soda (only had 2). I worked out at least 4 days a week.
I am happy with where I am. I have lost a good deal of weight in at 6 week period.
I am very tired though.... getting up at 4:20 am is really hard. I look forward to our days off so I can sleep in! My body and mind need sleep.
I start my second round of classes on 2-11 which also happens to be my birthday. I hope to shed another 15 pounds! Wouldn't that be a awesome accomplishment? I will set a smaller goal for the next 5 weeks so that I know I can meet it.
Learning to eat right and exercise takes a lot of will power and there are days that I have it and there are days I don't.
I try not to beat myself up when I do eat something that I shouldn't. I know that we all have days where a salad won't do it and a juicy hamburger will. As long as we don't have more hamburger days than salad days I think its ok.

Hello remember me?

WOW!! the last time I posted was back in May!  To say I lost my motivation and desire is an understatement. I got hurt back in April doing a cart wheel in boot-camp. Yup I know someone who is as out of shape as me shouldn't be doing a cart wheel but I did and well I tore a muscle in my hamstring. At least that is what the dr thought it was since it was painful to do just about everything. So no exercising for 8 weeks.. lead to 8 months! With that 8 months I packed on the pounds again. We went to NM in July and of course I was a hungry shark in blood waters. I ate at every single place I missed.. I stuffed my face with so much NM food it wasn't even funny. I ate and drank till my little hearts content. So of course when I came home I had gained prob 10 pounds!! Well I thought to myself ahh not to bad I can take it off... then a few more pounds would come on and I would say.. ehhh I can take it off until I was almost at my weight that I started at boot camp back in 2011.
I was disgusted with myself!! I had worked so damn hard only to be back where I started! Then I didn't even care... I ate what I wanted when I wanted and didn't give a rats ass. I mean I was already back where I started so who cares! right?
Deep down I cared... so I signed back up with the same boot-camp classes (so happy they opened a new location that is like 3 min from my house!) I went to Vegas for New Years' and ate and ate and ate.. and drank and ate some more. I thought go BIG or go home! I knew when I came back to Reno that I was going to take boot-camp serious. So serious I did a detox diet... for 7 days (give or take) I had a shake for breakfast, salad for lunch and miso soup with tofu and quinoa for dinner. I drank detox tea, apple cider vinegar dextox drink, water and apples and almonds for snacks. Was it hard? HELL YES!! was I grumpy! HELL YES!! Just ask poor Josh. At one point I was so hungry and didn't feel good and was just miserable that I walked up the stairs slammed our bedroom door shut and went to bed at 10am! I slept for about 3 or 4 hours and woke up feeling much better. I told my self that never again would I do that. Josh even took me aside and said.. "honey, I love you but NEVER do that again"
We are in week 5 and I am planning on doing it one more time! I lost about 8 pounds on it and I would like to lose about 8 more pounds by Feb 9. I have a goal in mind that I would like to be at by my birthday which is Feb 11.
I have already signed up for the next session of boot-camp and we now belong to a gym so on the days of no boot-camp I will be at the gym.
So check back often.. I am going to try to keep this blog up until I reach my goal weight of 135. Come along for the ride.. Im sure it's going to be bumpy!